Why Control is Overrated: Embracing Uncertainty for a Happier Life
When we try to control every aspect of our lives, we often end up feeling trapped and overwhelmed. Many of us seek control over our thoughts, emotions, relationships, and circumstances, believing that it will lead to security and happiness. However, the pursuit of control can become a burden, and it may prevent us from experiencing the true freedom that life offers.
A simple truth:
We don't control the universe.
This may not come as a surprise to most people, yet if you take a few moments to reflect on it, how much of your time is spent trying to…
...control your thoughts?
...control what other people do, both individually and collectively?
...control what happens to you, limiting the negative things and attracting the positive things?
... manipulate circumstances or situations so they can be you want them to be?
Each one of these things may seem like a worthy and sensible goals when taken out of context. Yet in a world where we are not fundamentally in control, taking on the job of universal controller is akin to declaring yourself the new CEO of Microsoft or Google and wondering why your new policies haven't been instigated yet. Most people won't even notice and those that do are likely to be annoyed.
The Pursuit of Control
In our quest for control, we read books, attend seminars, and follow various personal development programs. These resources promise to teach us how to manage our thoughts, influence others, and shape our environment. Initially, this approach might seem effective. We might feel more organized, successful, and in charge of our lives. However, this sense of control is often an illusion.
As we gain control over one aspect of our life, we feel compelled to control more areas. This can lead to a constant state of vigilance and stress, as we try to keep everything under control. The more we try to manage, the more we realize how much is beyond our control. This can leave us feeling exhausted and frustrated.
The Illusion of Control
It's important to recognize that we do not have control over the universe. This realization may seem obvious, but many of us spend a significant amount of time and energy trying to control things that are inherently uncontrollable. We attempt to manage our thoughts, dictate how others behave, and shape our circumstances to fit our desires.
For example, we might try to control the behavior of our children, our colleagues, or our partners. We might attempt to control our financial situation, our health, or our success at work. While these goals might seem reasonable in isolation, they can become overwhelming when viewed collectively. Trying to control everything is like declaring yourself the CEO of a major corporation without any real authority. Your efforts will likely go unnoticed or even annoy those around you.
The False Security of Control
Many of us equate control with security. We believe that if we can control ourselves and our environment, we will be safe. We think that by managing our behavior and the behavior of others, we can prevent bad things from happening. However, this belief is fundamentally flawed.
Life is unpredictable. No matter how much we try to control our circumstances, we will inevitably face challenges and setbacks. Wars, natural disasters, illnesses, and other unexpected events can disrupt our lives at any moment. When these events occur, they serve as stark reminders that we are not in control.
The Desire for Control
When we feel out of control, our natural response is to seek more control. We turn to self-help books, strategies, and personal development programs to regain a sense of order. These resources often promise to teach us how to influence others and manage our behaviour more effectively.
At first, these efforts might seem to work. We might feel more organized, disciplined, and successful. However, this sense of control is often temporary. The more we try to control, the more we realize how much is beyond our reach. This can lead to a never-ending cycle of seeking control and feeling frustrated when we fail to achieve it.
Finding True Freedom
Instead of constantly seeking control, we can choose to embrace a different approach. We can learn to enjoy life as it unfolds, regardless of whether things go our way or not. This involves accepting that we cannot control everything and finding peace in that acceptance.
Imagine being able to enjoy your life whether it is going according to plan or not. Imagine loving people even when they don't behave the way you want them to. Imagine creating the life you want to live, even when things seem difficult. This kind of freedom allows us to live fully in the present moment and to appreciate life in all its ups and downs.
Living the Present
We were born with the ability to experience this kind of freedom. It is available to us at any moment. However, when we are caught up in the game of control, the idea of freedom can seem frightening. True freedom means letting go of the need for control and embracing the uncertainty of life.
This doesn't mean living recklessly or without direction. It means recognizing that we have the power of thought, consciousness, and awareness. These gifts allow us to navigate life moment by moment, without the need for rigid control.
Wisdom from J. Krishnamurti
Most of us are concerned with revolt within the prison; we want better food, a little more light, a larger window so that we can see a little more of the sky... so we remain prisoners, and there is no freedom in prison. Freedom lies outside the walls, outside the pattern of society; but to be free of that pattern you have to understand the whole content of it, which is to understand your own mind... Your mind is humanity, and when you perceive this, you will have immense compassion. Out of this understanding comes great love; and then you will know, when you see lovely things, what beauty is.
We want better food, more light, or a larger window, but we remain prisoners nonetheless. True freedom lies outside the prison walls. To experience it, we must understand the nature of our own minds and the limitations of our desire for control.
Conclusion: Embracing Freedom
The freedom to live fully and authentically is always available to us. It doesn't require a specific set of circumstances or a detailed plan. It requires a shift in perspective and a willingness to let go of the illusion of control. By embracing the present moment and accepting life as it comes, we can experience true freedom and joy. This freedom is not about having everything under control; it's about finding peace and contentment in the midst of life's uncertainties.
