How You’re Failing, Before You Even Start
Why is it that we procrastinate? The more we think the less we do.
I believe that there is a point in life where we want to be able to choose our struggles, maybe we move to another country and have to learn a language, or change careers, or move closer to our kid’s school to waste less time on commuting and traffic. We all have the option to choose, to select our battles, it’s binary in a sense, black and white, give and take. You can have it all, but it will cost you.
Throw in your inner critic, the conditioned, resounding voice in your mind and you may not even have the opportunity to create the change or to take any form of action. You will get stuck, you will overthink, and you will doubt yourself and possibly your worth.
Do any of these situations sound familiar?
If you find yourself consistently absent from meetings,
Failing to finish tasks, lacking a sense of purpose or ambition,
Neglecting yourself, not wanting to workout or lose weight
Hesitating to pursue things that excite you, new ventures, travel etc
You are essentially impeding the progress and transformation you desire in your life.
Procrastination and Self-Sabotage
Despite one’s intellectual disposition, many people tend to procrastinate and engage in self-sabotaging behaviours. This paradox raises questions about why self-motivated individuals often hinder their own progress. Why would this be the case? The sheer presence of our human nature, comprising of self-doubt and fear can undermine even the most capable individuals. No matter what your IQ may be, this will still be an area to tussle with in your personal and work life.
Self Doubt is sabotaging not only your growth but your overall satisfaction of your life.
Is there something you want to achieve that you’re just not showing up for right now? Self-doubt arises naturally any time we want to move to the next level. It’s very uncomfortable and causes most people to back off their goal.
Self-doubt is a “lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities”. When it’s habitual, it fosters personality traits of low self-esteem and poor self-care. It manifests as what we now call imposter syndrome, where we doubt our own accomplishments to such an extent that we fear being ‘found out’ as frauds.
Perhaps we look upon someone else’s Insta-life and feel woefully inadequate. We might hide away in shame and fear of rejection.
Left unchecked, self-doubt can turn into self-hatred and the downward spiral into anxiety, depression, addiction and so on.
However…. humans are designed to acquire wisdom, skills and experience over time, so we also feel compelled forward, to grow towards the light. We will always want to be better than we are.
This growth impulse then triggers more self-doubt, which is our brain’s way of telling us not to change. Staying safe in the cave, just as we are, is effortless, comfy, reassuring and ultimately stagnant.
In personal or business growth terms, self-doubt translates into “Please don’t fail and look like an idiot.” We never become vulnerable by being a beginner. We don’t evolve. That’s the price we pay when we give in to the inner critic. Sounds familiar?
How does the Brain Handle Self-Doubt?
The experience of self-doubt is often most pronounced when we encounter new situations or circumstances. This internal struggle is rooted in fear, as our brain instinctively seeks to shield us from negative emotions. As discussed in a previous article on fear, the brain's primary goal is to ensure our survival, and fear serves as a crucial mechanism in this process. It acts as an ancient, mostly automatic alarm system within our bodies, alerting us to potential threats that could compromise our well-being.
Thousands of years ago, when our brains were still evolving, fear primarily revolved around physical harm and death. Nowadays, fear manifests in various forms, with perceived threats extending beyond physical danger. Some individuals perceive the biggest threat as experiencing negative thoughts such as shame, rejection, or regret. For others, the fear may be centred around threats to their ego, self-worth, sense of belonging, or the fear of scarcity. This intricate connection between self-doubt and fear becomes apparent as our bodies interpret doubt as a form of fear.
Within our brain, there are two main components that influence our thought processes—the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is governed by the prefrontal cortex, a region located behind the forehead. This area handles decision-making, self-control, willpower, and behaviour regulation, but it doesn't fully mature until after puberty. On the other hand, the subconscious mind is fully developed at birth and is controlled by the basal ganglia, responsible for emotions, habits, behaviour, basic instincts, and more.
Make it stand out
Interestingly, the subconscious mind remains in control, even when we believe that our conscious mind is directing our actions. The fear response initiates in the subconscious mind, particularly in a region called the amygdala, closely linked to the basal ganglia. When faced with a threat, the amygdala triggers a fear response, activating areas associated with motor functions like the fight-or-flight response and releasing stress hormones. This heightened state of alertness prepares the body to respond to potential danger. The conscious response to fear, involving analysis and reasoning, takes place in the prefrontal cortex, aiding in the brain's interpretation of the perceived threat. The perception of whether the threat is real or not hinges on our sense of control.
Fear and self-doubt are automatic or ingrained responses created by our brain based on the thoughts we consistently provide it. These are subconscious or habitual responses to the world around us. Again we come back to a world of thought that is either leading us to be the cause of our reality or live in the effect of our circumstances
The Art of the Pre-fail
Here’s a share from one of my personal clients - her name has been changed with some details around the story.
Sarah is a driven individual who had a vision to start her own business. She has a strong entrepreneurial spirit and is passionate about her idea. However, as Sarah began taking steps towards launching her business, self-doubt starts to creep in.
Sarah's mind became filled with questions and worries: "What if my idea isn't unique enough?", "Will I be able to compete with established businesses?", "Am I ready for the challenges ahead?" These thoughts create a cloud of uncertainty, causing her to hesitate and hold back from fully committing to her venture.
The pre-fail in Sarah's journey lies in her self-sabotaging mindset. The fear of failure and the unknown outcomes lead her to question her abilities and second-guess her decision. Instead of embracing the potential for success and growth, Sarah becomes stuck in a cycle of overthinking and inaction.
In this scenario, the pre-fail illustrates the power of self-doubt and how it can hinder progress and potential success in starting a business. It highlights the importance of overcoming self-sabotage by cultivating confidence, embracing the unknown, and taking calculated risks to turn dreams into reality.
A pre-fail can also be seen as an assumption about the reality, the endeavour you may be wanting to go ahead with. Even without proof related to that specific event you may find a ‘why’ not to do it
Remember, self-doubt is a natural part of any endeavour, but recognizing and addressing it is key to breaking free from the pre-fail cycle and unlocking one's full potential.
When self-doubt causes us to pre-fail at something new, we gift ourselves a golden set of Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free cards.
We can:
Argue that we could or would have achieved the thing if we’d been there
Blame others that they made it too hard for us to achieve the thing
Say it wasn’t our thing anyway
Avoid tall poppy syndrome (Australian for “a perceived tendency to discredit or disparage those who have achieved notable wealth or prominence in public life.”)
Pre-failing is a cushion for your ego, you can do it in private, you do not need to ‘actually try’ and pursue whatever it may be.
Self-doubt is:
Gathering proof of previous shortcomings and feigning their significance for your forthcoming endeavours.
Neglecting to prioritize your own needs and aspirations.
Remaining complacently trapped in your current circumstances.
Failing to evolve and accomplish fresh objectives.
Neglecting to foster confidence and self-reliance.
Withholding your full potential and depriving others of your genuine self.
Evading a splendid and authentic future.
When you live from possibility, you live from the future.
As opposed to living from certainty, which is living from the past.
- Brene Brown
The Possible Cause of Self-Doubt:
Childhood conditioning - see inner child healing for more info about this
The fear of being evaluated,
A sense of inadequacy,
Doubts about our intelligence or qualifications (imposter syndrome),
Apprehension towards change,
The fear of failure, undervaluing our own significance compared to others,
A belief that we are undeserving of success,
Uncertainty regarding our capability to achieve success,
A lack of self-trust, and a tendency to diminish ourselves with thoughts like,
"Who am I to pursue this endeavour?"
How do we stop procrastinating and self-sabotaging ourselves?
This is covered more extensively in the following post - Outsmart your Self-Sabotage and Conquer your Inner Saboteur
If you want to continue self-sabotaging yourself, you can finish this article in the meantime. Here is something to consider.
If we can recognise the resources and opportunities around every corner of today’s world. Such as tech, Web 3.0 and AI have made sure that information and communication are at an all-time high, yet despite these incredible advancements, many individuals find themselves stuck in a cycle of limited progress, or more importantly limited decision-making. The notion of being submerged in water, peering upwards, the thin film of water that holds the surface together. Many of us stop just before we break through, we see the light, yet something just stops us. Overcoming these barriers requires a deeper understanding of how to break through and reach our full potential.
How to Unleash the Power of Resourcefulness?
It is a common misconception to believe that success is solely determined by the availability of resources and opportunities. While these factors undoubtedly play a role, they are not the sole determinants of achievement. Countless individuals have been blessed with abundant resources, yet their lack of ambition or drive hinders them from making the most of what they have. On the contrary, there are those who, despite having limited resources, harness their determination and ingenuity to surpass expectations and accomplish extraordinary feats. Success, therefore, stems from within – personal motivation, resilience, and unwavering dedication to make the most of any situation. It is not the number of resources that guarantees success, but rather the mindset and sheer willpower that drives one towards exceptional accomplishment
The simple answer is choice. Are you willing to choose the pain of inaction and staying where you are? or take action and progress forward?
The following article - Outsmart Your Self-Sabotage and Conquer your Inner Saboteur - will give you a better understanding the mechanics and take action.
Remember, It’s safer not to articulate our dreams, so no one knows if we failed to achieve them.
By abstaining from making an effort, you are essentially pre-emptively failing.
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We often find ourselves caught in cycles of procrastination and self-sabotage, even when we have the best intentions. Why is it that despite wanting success, we hesitate, overthink, or avoid the very actions that would lead us there? It's because our brains are wired for safety, not for growth. The fear of failure, rejection, or simply stepping out of our comfort zone triggers a protective mechanism that keeps us from taking risks—this is where the inner critic thrives.
As highlighted in teachings like NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and the Law of Attraction, our subconscious mind plays a crucial role in shaping our reality. Your conscious mind may want success, but the subconscious is where deeply ingrained doubts and fears reside, pulling you back into self-doubt and inaction.
When you are on the verge of growth, the discomfort of self-doubt emerges naturally. It’s your brain's way of signaling potential danger, even when none exists. By learning to recognize that self-doubt and procrastination are simply habitual responses, you can begin to reframe them, aligning your conscious and subconscious mind towards your goals.
Success requires a shift in mindset—embracing possibility instead of certainty, as Brene Brown beautifully puts it: "When you live from possibility, you live from the future." In other words, don’t let past failures or the fear of being "found out" as an imposter hold you back. When you stop engaging in self-sabotage and allow yourself to dream big, you create the space for real transformation.
Ultimately, the choice is yours—stay trapped in the safety of inaction, or step forward into the discomfort of growth and claim the success that’s waiting for you.
