Connect to Your Inner Child
Life can be burdensome. It's important to acknowledge the weight of your life journey, including your habits, patterns, and beliefs, which are mostly rooted in your childhood. By letting go of these burdens, forgiving yourself, and re-parenting yourself, you may be able to regain the spark you once had.
Introduction
Let’s go on a journey of rediscovery, where you'll connect with the childlike wonder and creativity that lies dormant within you. Imagine feeling that spark again, igniting your soul with the joy of expressing yourself through art, music, or play.
“The essence of trauma is loss of contact with yourself, loss of connection to yourself.”
— Dr. Gabor Maté
You may have forgotten how it feels to be fully immersed in the present moment, tapped into life, tuned into your body, where time seems to stand still and you're lost in the flow of creativity. It's a feeling that we all crave, but as we grow older, the demands of life can drown out that inner voice that longs for self-expression.
As I numbed myself emotionally, during my childhood, I lost myself. I lost the connection to me, to something greater. The experience of my life went from colour, texture and moments of warmth to black and white, personas and masking to get through each day. The worst part about this was that on some level I knew I was doing this to myself and only after some intense experiences around mental, emotional and physical aspects of my life was I ready to figure ‘this thing out’. Forging a path off the anti-depressants, the SSRIs, out of the psychologist’s office and back into taking my power back, reclaiming the innocence I set aside to get through life.
I was tired of just getting through it and wanted more, I wanted to live, I wanted to stare up at the stars and actually feel something. I started, and now I have plugged myself back into myself, there are still patterns that arise, yet I trust the timing.
This Post is focused on the inner child, touching on reparenting and how you can start or deepen the journey that you are already on.
A Brief Personal Share
“Today I ventured into the unknown with my kids, a simple game of pirates, monsters, bandits and treasure, (I believe I was the monster guarding the treasure) and then a moment of realisation.
I found that the more I stepped into imaginative play with my kids, the rooms of my mind began to open as if there was a gust of fresh thought flowing through. Moments where joy, innocence and ease that were once lost, were found again through priceless interactions with my children. In that, I have found more of those lost parts of myself, which have slowly begun integrating into my life.
There is a direct relation between giving more attention towards play (expanding beyond just my kids), and the easier I find it to express, visualize, create and be present. Over the years this has allowed me to reclaim my power, innocence, and sense of self, become a better parent and embrace, heal my masculinity, not only through inner child healing but inviting in the practical, emotional aspects through reparenting. I feel more complete as a human, man, father and individual.
It’s not just about being creative it’s also about being able to express and embody joy more often than not. We live in a world which requires us to grow up so fast, we battle to make time for ourselves let alone still having to work, add value or wear these different hats of a parent, partner, lover and friend. If you are a millennial I am sure there are moments where you can see the divide between how parenting was conducted and experienced from when you were a child to where it is today. I do my best to break patterns subconscious patterning, and cycles, to ensure that I am regulated and in turn, my children are too( and can do that for themselves).”
The Journey Continued
As an adult subjected to various types of trauma, those experiences left me with self-doubt, lack of self-worth, fear, overwhelm, poor boundaries and panic attacks. Overall I was an unregulated person, holding onto ideals of what I am ‘supposed’ to be, and experiencing all of this as an adult. The part of me that was subjected to all the experiences was still running the show even tho I was an adult, father, partner, and business owner, it made no difference. I was living in a space of raw reactivity, I did not know how to respond to life, love and change, but since those darker days, I have found the tools needed to move with more grace, ease and certainty from the space.
But what if I told you that it's never too late to reconnect with that part of yourself? You can start today, right now in this moment, by choosing to do something that brings you joy and nourishes your soul. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture or a time-consuming activity, but something as simple as drawing, singing, or playing a game.
What is the Inner Child?
Our inner child is a part of ourselves starting from being a baby, infant, toddler, young child and middle school year. This part of ourselves - the inner child - can often recall good experiences as well as childhood fears, traumas, neglect or significant loss. Dr Gabor Mate re-defined trauma in an eloquent way and here is what he said; “Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
It can be hard to pinpoint the root of the symptoms that may be plaguing us as an adult, yet as we grow in awareness we can start to notice the patterns, and programs, manifested in our real-time feelings and actions, to help us navigate a clear path towards understanding, letting go and really embodying the joy that we came into being with.
Recognising Parts of the Inner Child
Our inner child is a part of us that holds memories of both joyful and painful experiences. It remembers the happy moments such as the loving embrace of a grandparent, the pride in showing off a new skill to a parent/ guardian, or the excitement of being invited to a friend's party.
However, it also recalls the traumatic and sad moments, like the feeling of abandonment when a parent rushed out to see a dying relative, the hurt of being bullied at school, and the embarrassment of not knowing an answer in class, failing a test, being ridiculed for expressing oneself differently.
As we grow older, our inner child continues to shape our experiences, influencing our sense of pride and belonging in new situations. It guides us as we navigate new challenges, such as starting a job or searching for love and acceptance. However, it can also be wounded when we face rejection or betrayal, causing us to feel crushed and alone.
Overall, our inner child is an integral part of who we are, holding a wealth of memories and emotions that shape our perspectives and experiences.
Is your Inner Child running the show?
Have you ever found yourself struggling with fear, perfectionism, or anxiety? Maybe you're avoiding certain situations or people without even realising why? If so, your inner child might be running the show.
When we're carrying the weight of past hurts and childhood wounds, it can be hard to move forward and embrace new experiences. It's like we're stuck in a never-ending cycle of pain and uncertainty, and it feels like we're carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.
But it's important to remember that our inner child is just trying to keep us safe. It's seeking out the familiar and the predictable because that's what feels secure. And while that might hold us back from taking risks or trying new things, it's not because we're weak or lacking in some way. It's simply our inner child trying to protect us from getting hurt again.
Approaching this with compassion and understanding. Instead of beating ourselves up for not being able to move forward. By creating a collaborative relationship between our adult self and inner child, we can find the balance between safety and adventure that we need to live a fulfilling life.
What is the importance of connecting with the Inner Child?
This process is far more than just tapping into an aspect of yourself, you are able to reclaim more of your magic, take up space in yourself and in turn your life. In this world, we tend to grow up really fast, and this loss of innocence is accelerated through traumatic events, that we may not have had the understanding, or words to truly express it. And so these experiences take up space, lingering in our system, our thoughts, actions and perceptions of our reality.
We get stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses and these can be heightened or triggered through just living. Freeing yourself of the above or lessening the severity of these reactions allows you to respond more to life, to your impulses, connect to your intuition and honestly become a fully functional adult.
How Having a Regulated ‘Inner Child’ allows you to be more Successful
Success isn't just about being famous or wealthy specifically, although those would be way more healthily achieved when your drivers for action are coming from a regulated space. Success in itself is it's about experiencing love, contentment, possibly inner peace, and fulfilment. It's about having a healthy inner child that's overflowing with love, connections, and a sense of purpose, clear on themselves and their path that helps you weather the storms of life. Success isn't just for those who are intelligent or have achieved great things - true success comes from being emotionally stable, connected to your feelings, and having a serene inner child that guides you towards a life of meaning and fulfilment. Build your success from this space and notice how you feel when you are already fulfilled within yourself before achieving incredible things in the material world.
How to know if your Inner Child is in pain and Not Regulated?
Emotions of shame, guilt, and pain
Persistent overworking and desire for approval/belonging
Inability to live in the present moment
Frequent anxiety and fear
Striving for perfection and inability to handle failure
Difficulty recognising and celebrating accomplishments
Unhealthy relationship patterns or avoidance of love
Self-sabotage and addictive behaviours - this can relate to wealth, relationships and just how you treat yourself overall
Not achieving ones potential
Negative self-talk and rumination
Simple practices to get started with your Inner Child Healing
These are practices you can start with as you want to build a relationship with this part of you again.
Go into these spaces with the following 2 intentions:
1: Start connecting, beginning an inner dialogue, and developing a relationship with this deeper part of you
2: Learn about your inner child’s needs, pains, hopes, and dreams, really lean in and listen…..and start actually taking steps towards those things. This is where you build trust.
Dancing to your favourite childhood songs: Put on some music that you loved as a child and dance freely to it. Let yourself be silly and have fun.
Colouring or drawing: Buy a colouring book or some art supplies and let yourself express your creativity. You don't have to be an artist to enjoy the process of colouring or drawing.
Going to a playground: Spend some time at a playground, swing on the swings, slide down the slide, and let yourself feel like a carefree child again.
Writing a letter to your inner child: Write a letter to your inner child, offering love, support, and encouragement. Remind your inner child that you are there for them and that they are not alone.
Building a fort: Gather some blankets, pillows, and chairs, and build a fort. Let yourself be playful and imaginative as you create a cosy hideaway.
Watching a favourite childhood movie or TV show: Pick a movie or TV show that you loved as a child and watch it again. Let yourself feel the same excitement and joy that you felt as a child.
Going on a nature walk: Take a walk in nature and let yourself explore and play. Stop to pick up rocks, leaves, or sticks, and enjoy the simple pleasure of being in nature.
Eating a childhood favourite food: Prepare a snack or meal that you loved as a child and savour the taste and memories that come with it.
When we allow ourselves to play, let go of control and embrace the unknown, we open ourselves up to a world of endless possibilities. It's not just about the act of creation, but the feeling of being fully alive, connected to our innermost selves, and to others.
Begin the process of sharing yourself with life, live and connect with the innocence that resides within you.
Choose something. Be it small or big. Add it to your daily routine and see where the nostalgia takes you. Express yourself through play and imagination. There are no limits.
And speaking of connection, when we share ourselves with others, without any expectation of reciprocity, we tap into a deep well of possibility. It's not about giving to receive, but about giving for the sheer joy of it. It's a simple yet powerful practice that can transform our relationships and bring us closer to those we love
Different Ways that you can start working with Your Inner Child
Utilize activities to start feeling (a little bit at a time) in order to undo the numbing
Address your worries and apprehensions by processing past traumatic events.
Cultivate stable and secure relationships to feel more grounded and comfortable in your surroundings.
Establish a welcoming atmosphere that fosters positivity and relaxation.
Establish a consistent routine for eating, sleeping, hygiene, and intimacy to promote self-care.
Set clear boundaries in terms of your emotions, energy, time, and physical space.
Incorporate hobbies and passions into your daily routine.
Redirect your attention from striving for success to simply enjoying the process of doing, being, and commemorating your achievements.
Transform your internal beliefs into a more positive and constructive mindset.
A meditation to connect with your inner child
Healing the inner child is a journey, a right of passage that we all share.
The question is are you willing to dig deep and really allow yourself to let go of old ideas, big emotions and a version of reality that may not be serving you?
The journey of self-healing starts with the most vulnerable part of you. Your Inner child. Your inner child represents the first original self that entered into this world. Your inner child contains the innate wisdom and ability to experience the wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness of the reality that you reside in.
Inner child work can be seen as a process where you begin to connect, understand, embrace and eventually heal your inner child aspect of self.
Yet the world today forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.” How many of us have had to seek refuge in growing up so fast that our childhood seems to be a blur?
The truth is most of us as adults have physically aged and grown yet we have never met emotional, psychological, and spiritual adulthood.
This leaves us with a world filled with children stuck in adult bodies. And so we have so many repressed emotions such as fear, anger, self-worth issues, and underlying traumas that have been embedded in our bodies and subconscious minds for many years.
CumulatIve psychological baggage is the result of not healing or allowing your inner child to voice/express itself. This results in us as “adults” experiencing problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction both with ourselves and others.
There is a complete separation from the innocence that was once us.
Here is a practice I wish to share with you, so you can set time aside to begin the process of consciously connecting to your inner child. This is simple and can be profound. If meditation is not your thing, then view it as a visualisation.
Meditation - Meeting Your Inner Child
You will need to dedicate about half an hour or + - (30 minutes) for this exercise. Find a quiet and comfortable space, and either sit or lie down.
Before you start first take 5 conscious breaths to ground yourself and to really surrender to the present moment.
Set the intention of meeting and connecting to your inner child.
Now Imagine that you are about to meet your inner child. You walk outside into the backyard and he/she is playing in a sandbox.( you can also choose any place that just pops up in the mind's eye)
What age is he/she? You walk up to your inner child and sit down (ensure you come in gently with ease). “Hello, Hey, Hi,” you might say, introduce yourself. Take a moment and really look into the eyes of your inner child.
What do you see? What is he/she feeling towards you at this moment? Fear? Reserved? Scepticism? Excitement? Curiosity? Possibility? Confused?
Respect your inner child and their boundaries. If they wish to hug you or shake your hand, let that happen. If not, it’s okay. Your inner child may just need to warm up to you. Look at asking the question “What do you need the most?” Note: If you are communicating with your infant self during this visualization, the response might come as a visceral feeling as opposed to communicating with your school-aged self who might respond verbally.
If your inner child tells you what they need, provide a safe space for them.
Let them feel heard, seen, understood, and loved by you.
You might like to share with them how much you love and care for them and wish them to be cared for. If your inner child wishes to be cradled, hugged, or held, embrace the opportunity.
Once you feel that your intention to connect with your inner child has been accomplished, you can visualize yourself walking back into your house. Focus on your breathing, stretch your body, and open your eyes.
Note any insights and jot them down on your phone or journal. These breadcrumbs lead towards more joy, fulfilment and ease in your space.
Take a deep breath and just honour yourself, for the work you have just done, for yourself.
This work is focused on reconnecting with that innocence, with that aspect of self. So that the baggage can be left on the side and you can take your inner child's hand, together exploring the mysteries of life.
How Human Design can support you in your Healing
Healing your inner child involves addressing unresolved emotions and experiences from childhood that continue to impact your life as an adult. Human design can be a useful tool in this process as it can provide insights into your personality, behaviour patterns, and life purpose.
Here are a few ways that human design can help you heal your inner child:
Understanding your energy type: Human design categorizes individuals into five energy types - Manifestor, Generator, Manifesting Generator, Projector, and Reflector. Understanding your energy type can help you understand your natural tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses, and can help you make decisions that are aligned with your true self.
Identifying conditioning: Conditioning refers to the beliefs and behaviours that you have internalized due to societal or familial expectations. By understanding your human design, you can identify the ways in which you have been conditioned and start to let go of beliefs that no longer serve you.
Aligning with your life purpose: Human design can provide insight into your life purpose and how you can best serve others. By aligning with your life purpose, you can start to feel a sense of fulfilment and meaning in your life, which can help you heal emotional wounds from your past.
Developing self-awareness: Self-awareness is key to healing your inner child. Human design can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, and can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
Honouring your unique needs: Human design emphasizes the importance of honouring your unique needs and living in alignment with your true self. By doing so, you can start to heal emotional wounds from your past and live a more fulfilling life.
Ultimately, healing your inner child is a complex process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Human design can be a valuable tool in this process alongside, accountability, support, mindset work and other integrative practices.
Your Next Steps on your Journey
This work opens you up to things that may be blocking you right now. You may seek better performance, and fulfilment in life and /or move through limiting beliefs, this all ties into you unravelling more into deeply understanding yourself. If you consciously journey with yourself, your inner child and through a lens of curiosity the world is your experience will be filled with infinite possibilities.
Your performance in your life and business can be hampered by not tapping into this incredibly powerful aspect of yourself.
This journey we all share is one which connects us in this human experience. Honour your journey share it with others and allow others to do the same with you.
This work is a necessity for all of us on some level. If you wish to change the idea of the inner child and liken it to a shadow of your innocence or paternal programming it is essentially the same. You have the ability to reparent yourself and shift the past so that you can change your present moment and in turn future.
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Additional Resources
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https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Ourselves-Empowering/dp/1897238452
https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WzMpjtkrs
https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/
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